whenever i encounter spiritual realizations, it always seems to tie in to some crazy previous experience that i don't understand. earlier this week, i was looking at myself in the third person perspective a lot...which i couldn't really understand. but i was looking at myself from the world's perspective, like i was really cool or something. come acquire the fire, and realize that the world is so unreal - the role of a Christian is not to function in the world, doing everything the same as everyone else, but to lead the generation by doing what they know they're supposed to be doing. and all of this unrealness comes from the self trying to please the self - at the end, this girl who had "died," said that this was the moment when everything suddenly became real for her. because she no longer needed to concern herself with all of the insignificant issues of the teenage world - she knew all she needed to focus on was God and he would provide...(speaking of God, He's so real, it's His name). So she would deprive herself of abusive music or appearance or whatever and would just live her life for God, which is pretty much the ultimate goal - we weren't placed on the world to live life to please everybody else. it all goes to God eventually. and that was when she became real with everything around her - she no longer needed to put on a fake mask and maintain relationships or images, she could be real to God and know that He would lift her up whenever she was in need. when we are weak, God is strong.

yeah. acquire the fire was totally more than you could ever imagine. it was probably more awesome than anything i've done in my life, just because it opened eyes to life and assured i wasn't the only one fighting battles and that the sinful life is not coveted. (following the theme of "keep it real," temptations from sin aren't, but the consequences sare) it was really wonderful just watching everyone commit to fighting the battle of winning the generation for Christianity. and everyone made a bunch of other commitments - to go on mission trips, to forgive those who had wronged them, to consider going to the Honor Society (something like an awesome Christian college, that i know i should be willing to go to, but want to go to Duke, which is more work from the self). everyone should go, because it will change your life. if you think about it, life really doesn't make sense without Christianity. who do we work for? we can just try to pleasure our own self, but we know we can't rely on that for support, because it will collapse one time or another (like mental breakdowns...or disease). and we can't rely on any other human because they're facing the same fire and can't support themselves - we need a Savior that we know will never betray us.

cool part when a guy gets shot by "2,000" paintballs...

words of yesterday: galvanize, meaning to strengthen, and erroneous, something wrong or bad

oh man...everyone totally needs to go to ATF. can't be stressed enough. it makes sense of life. everyone should go.