referring back to Old School: A Novel, by Tobias Wolff, the narrator turns to plagiarizing a short story to submit to a literature contest, the night or even morning of the contest deadline. he is overwhelmed by this short story simply because he finds it to be exactly that - his own true story. it was almost as if someone had lived his life and written it, not knowing that the descriptions were true for more than just him. the narrator plagiarizes the story, calling it "his own life story." later, his best friend explodes at him, claiming the article also "his own life story." anyway, here's my testimony. i'm surprised to find that it's more than just my story.
born in a christian family, i was always raised at church, with christian morals, beliefs, values. i called myself a christian before i knew the significance. church was a regular requirement of the weak - but it was some kind of regulated exercise. nothing to get too into, sorta like school. as i grew older, i began to doubt a God. i still considered myself a christian and would have told anyone if they asked what religion i was, but i was one of those plastic Christians. sort of like, i'll do whatever i want for the week and sunday, i'll be mr. super-christian. i still regulated good grades and was solid externally, but i slowly corrupted on the inside. God wasn't real to me. i would say i believed, but i couldn't truly say that i had experienced him working in my life.
a year or two ago, i was pressured into baptism at TIBC, and, afraid to be criticized of faith, gave in to that pressure. my mentality was that, it couldn't hurt anyone, and thought that my eyes would just randomly be opened to see the glories of God. it didn't work out that way - i experienced close to no change at all. sometimes, i would be able to hear God talking to me, but i would only listen for a day or so and leave to pursue whatever wants that my own self wanted.
coming to TCCC thanks to ruth, i'm not exactly sure what connected me. it was just sorta like, "these guys really know what they're doing," because they were doing all of these things that we had never done at TIBC. in fact, the first day at TCCC, the main exercise youth group did was tell our own testimonies in front of the group and then answer questions from Mike. I was eventually truly saved weeks later when stumbling upon a Meyers sermon that said the self cannot satisfy both itself and the Holy Spirit. both incredibly contrasting personalities. i tried to revise the way i thought, the way i conducted my behavior. and then i could call myself a christian, but i was still not incredibly open to discussing religion among friends. i wasn't nearly making as many mistakes as i had been making, but i still didn't realize how much God was capable and how much I owed Him (see November 14, 2004 entry)
after a while, i was dragged into Friday nights at Billy's house. it was cool when we started doing the Experiencing God devotional and playing worship. one particular day, we just sorta listened to God and, the main point i learned, was that God doesn't expect perfection. He simply wants us to run to Him when we have troubles. we're supposed to, by our environment and human nature, be stealers, murderers, criminals, prostitutes. and all of that is just fine with God. it's how we compose ourselves afterwards that matters.
ATF was the kind of thing i needed. it was just sorta like God 24/2.5, and by that, i mean God 24 hours a day for 2 and a half days. you could seriously tell He was working. Friday night, i went home and slept. i actually remember waking up from praying to God, telling Him how much i loved Him. truly amazing. the main point of ATF was that we really need to be real christians - what we believe, it's bigger than all of us. it is our life. God is the best thing that could happen to us, and the worst thing we could do is distract ourselves by following the world. ATF didn't make you feel like a sinner. it made you feel like a leader - it's our role to lead the world. at the rate we're living, only 4% of us will be strong Christians. unbelievable statistics about sex and drugs were displayed. we can't live in this world. we have to lead it.
last weekend was the lock-in at TCCC. the week before that was incredibly harsh - it was pretty much me living my life for me. bad choice. we prayed for a while and what i learned was that i very clearly have an obligation to win the world for Christ. He gave everything He could have given - His body, dignity, sanity, pride. the most we can give, though still incomparable, is exactly what we should be giving. and we should be living that life for God - nothing else. it is even, in fact, God that makes life satiable - everything else will die on you, but God will never. it is Him who allows everything to happen. if we embrace Him, anything can and will happen.
that's my story. it's those moments when God is so real when there's no such thing as doubt or time or the world. It's just you and God. looking forward to never losing sight of God, to never have my fire burn out. missions trip to [insert super awesome country here]. we'll be building churches, orphanages, growing closer to God. nothing else could be better.
born in a christian family, i was always raised at church, with christian morals, beliefs, values. i called myself a christian before i knew the significance. church was a regular requirement of the weak - but it was some kind of regulated exercise. nothing to get too into, sorta like school. as i grew older, i began to doubt a God. i still considered myself a christian and would have told anyone if they asked what religion i was, but i was one of those plastic Christians. sort of like, i'll do whatever i want for the week and sunday, i'll be mr. super-christian. i still regulated good grades and was solid externally, but i slowly corrupted on the inside. God wasn't real to me. i would say i believed, but i couldn't truly say that i had experienced him working in my life.
a year or two ago, i was pressured into baptism at TIBC, and, afraid to be criticized of faith, gave in to that pressure. my mentality was that, it couldn't hurt anyone, and thought that my eyes would just randomly be opened to see the glories of God. it didn't work out that way - i experienced close to no change at all. sometimes, i would be able to hear God talking to me, but i would only listen for a day or so and leave to pursue whatever wants that my own self wanted.
coming to TCCC thanks to ruth, i'm not exactly sure what connected me. it was just sorta like, "these guys really know what they're doing," because they were doing all of these things that we had never done at TIBC. in fact, the first day at TCCC, the main exercise youth group did was tell our own testimonies in front of the group and then answer questions from Mike. I was eventually truly saved weeks later when stumbling upon a Meyers sermon that said the self cannot satisfy both itself and the Holy Spirit. both incredibly contrasting personalities. i tried to revise the way i thought, the way i conducted my behavior. and then i could call myself a christian, but i was still not incredibly open to discussing religion among friends. i wasn't nearly making as many mistakes as i had been making, but i still didn't realize how much God was capable and how much I owed Him (see November 14, 2004 entry)
after a while, i was dragged into Friday nights at Billy's house. it was cool when we started doing the Experiencing God devotional and playing worship. one particular day, we just sorta listened to God and, the main point i learned, was that God doesn't expect perfection. He simply wants us to run to Him when we have troubles. we're supposed to, by our environment and human nature, be stealers, murderers, criminals, prostitutes. and all of that is just fine with God. it's how we compose ourselves afterwards that matters.
ATF was the kind of thing i needed. it was just sorta like God 24/2.5, and by that, i mean God 24 hours a day for 2 and a half days. you could seriously tell He was working. Friday night, i went home and slept. i actually remember waking up from praying to God, telling Him how much i loved Him. truly amazing. the main point of ATF was that we really need to be real christians - what we believe, it's bigger than all of us. it is our life. God is the best thing that could happen to us, and the worst thing we could do is distract ourselves by following the world. ATF didn't make you feel like a sinner. it made you feel like a leader - it's our role to lead the world. at the rate we're living, only 4% of us will be strong Christians. unbelievable statistics about sex and drugs were displayed. we can't live in this world. we have to lead it.
last weekend was the lock-in at TCCC. the week before that was incredibly harsh - it was pretty much me living my life for me. bad choice. we prayed for a while and what i learned was that i very clearly have an obligation to win the world for Christ. He gave everything He could have given - His body, dignity, sanity, pride. the most we can give, though still incomparable, is exactly what we should be giving. and we should be living that life for God - nothing else. it is even, in fact, God that makes life satiable - everything else will die on you, but God will never. it is Him who allows everything to happen. if we embrace Him, anything can and will happen.
that's my story. it's those moments when God is so real when there's no such thing as doubt or time or the world. It's just you and God. looking forward to never losing sight of God, to never have my fire burn out. missions trip to [insert super awesome country here]. we'll be building churches, orphanages, growing closer to God. nothing else could be better.
posted by D. Chang at 12:34 PM
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