confidence is not being afraid of being strong or right. i guess the precondition is that you are strong or right in the first place. and confidence, being a character trait, doesn't turn itself on or off - it is like once it is developed, it will be there forever. i went to church this morning for about two or three hours and simply sat in the back while mike played worship songs and he played guitar with confidence and sang with confidence, and it occurred that he does the same thing when nobody is there just as he does when i am there or the entire youth group is there. his confidence is not going to change or even be very challenged by circumstances, so confidence can draw some parallels to faith.
confidence is like being strong and knowing it - you know, not trying to hide it or anything. the difference with being strong and not letting it shine is that you do not get the recognition you deserve (or are allowed to pass that recognition on to anything else). it is also robbing yourself of a reason to feel some kind of validity or approval, even though such praises should mean nothing. but if you're living for God, then you should do great things in His name and let people know about it - it's kind of like the city on a hill that cannot hide itself, and we shouldn't feel any need to hide anything about ourselves having Christ or anything about ourselves really at all.
the missions trip is, now, in two mere days, and it will be interesting because i will be seeing my sister for the first time there also. i will get to see how her life has changed and how long her hair is and how she has grown spiritually and she will get to see the same things about me, and that is something i am genuinely happy about. i want to show her what God has done to me. how i can play guitar and how my room is clean and how i have developed some kind of maturity. and there's another thing. i want to be in God's peace forever and not leave it, not be tired, but be aware and joyful at being in His presence. i don't want to have to struggle to get back in His presence - i just want everything to be in His presence so that we can go and talk like we always do and play a praise song and then go back to talking about normal things but never lose that kind of intimacy or consciousness about what is going on around us. though cliched, the idea that lives will be changed is not only completely valid, or necessary, but inevitable. we're leaving for God, the sole purpose of serving and praising Him. there is no possible way we will not be set on fire and get a glimpse of His will for tulsa and our schools and families and everywhere we go, because anywhere we go, there He is as well, and we will breathe/resonate His name by the way we conduct ourselves, at least for the aftershock. i remember coming home from mexico last year and just being on fire because God gave me grace and i just wanted to be there. so confidence will definitely be built, a confidence in God's promises and how everything will work out, no matter how bad things seem, and a confidence in God to resolve our own problems like with families and friends and internal wars like temptations and faithfulness.
wiped out from yesterday's events, i didn't go running, but ended up gardening for about four hours, though we probably could have done it much faster, according to jojo's dad. i actually enjoyed it...planting flowers and things like that. i read a book somewhere about how making things come alive, like planting flowers, teaches us what it really means to come alive ourselves.
we were supposed to meet at kaffe bona for a mini-Bible study, but gardening ran over (two hours) and i stayed because they were expecting our work to be done. my two cents, however, would have been about coming alive, a little like the song from Rebecca St. James that says, "You make me come alive." sometimes during praise and worship at church or at Friday night fellowship, i will close my eyes in prayer and upon opening them, will wonder whether i will see the world differently, more alive. i think i am starting to see these things, and how everything one sees looking around an evening, any evening, can be seen as beautiful, some bit due to it being God's creation. how great it feels, to see a sunset come alive or to have some kind of event come alive, so that in response, we can only come alive as well in wonder or delight or simple gratitude. the first thing on my list of things to pack for New Mexico was my glasses, because i want to be able to see the stars and feel the night and feel God and come alive.
we also got the monthly newspaper from Dr. Cary in mexico today, and it is inspiring to read how this is really what a mission is - in how they are all working very faithfully in listening to God in the midst of spiritual chaos and confusion. how they are caring so much for their pastors and their orphans and how they will get a new church because the old one is too small and will rejoice that it is in the middle of a witch market - rejoice. this is what a mission is, no doubt. you get the idea that Dr. Cary would have given everything to get to this point in time. you get the same idea that mike would have given everything to get to today, where he could sit in an empty room where he is the pastor with one of his youth silently amazed by God and what it will take to get to be where his youth and English pastor is. you get the very same idea that the Mr. and Mrs. Wu, departing for Colorado as God has led them, would give anything to stand in front of the congregation on Sunday and know that they are doing the right thing and know that they have an entire church backing them up in this decision, standing in front of God with their children being prayed for, knowing they are really following God's commands. you get the sense that this is really what missions is, as our calling.
the only thing i really remember about Dr. Cary was that he ran in the Olympics for the Mexican track team. and how he gave it all, all of his renown and his huge house, very consciously for a life of anonymity. to God be the glory.
it is hard, knowing that i am very close to independence and college, and how i will very soon be placed with a decision that will undoubtedly change my life. whether i will go to OU or Rice or Wash-U, and how my choosing, if it apart from God's plan for my life, will force me to lose something out of life. it is equally hard to understand the magnitude of what this missions trip will do for all of us - this is a moment, even the week, that i have been long awaiting, to be with my friends and my sister and simply God. a future awaits, and every decision or submission to faith plays an indescribable role in where we will end up. to God be the glory. we owe it to ourselves to seek the truth and seek the most out of life.
confidence is like being strong and knowing it - you know, not trying to hide it or anything. the difference with being strong and not letting it shine is that you do not get the recognition you deserve (or are allowed to pass that recognition on to anything else). it is also robbing yourself of a reason to feel some kind of validity or approval, even though such praises should mean nothing. but if you're living for God, then you should do great things in His name and let people know about it - it's kind of like the city on a hill that cannot hide itself, and we shouldn't feel any need to hide anything about ourselves having Christ or anything about ourselves really at all.
the missions trip is, now, in two mere days, and it will be interesting because i will be seeing my sister for the first time there also. i will get to see how her life has changed and how long her hair is and how she has grown spiritually and she will get to see the same things about me, and that is something i am genuinely happy about. i want to show her what God has done to me. how i can play guitar and how my room is clean and how i have developed some kind of maturity. and there's another thing. i want to be in God's peace forever and not leave it, not be tired, but be aware and joyful at being in His presence. i don't want to have to struggle to get back in His presence - i just want everything to be in His presence so that we can go and talk like we always do and play a praise song and then go back to talking about normal things but never lose that kind of intimacy or consciousness about what is going on around us. though cliched, the idea that lives will be changed is not only completely valid, or necessary, but inevitable. we're leaving for God, the sole purpose of serving and praising Him. there is no possible way we will not be set on fire and get a glimpse of His will for tulsa and our schools and families and everywhere we go, because anywhere we go, there He is as well, and we will breathe/resonate His name by the way we conduct ourselves, at least for the aftershock. i remember coming home from mexico last year and just being on fire because God gave me grace and i just wanted to be there. so confidence will definitely be built, a confidence in God's promises and how everything will work out, no matter how bad things seem, and a confidence in God to resolve our own problems like with families and friends and internal wars like temptations and faithfulness.
wiped out from yesterday's events, i didn't go running, but ended up gardening for about four hours, though we probably could have done it much faster, according to jojo's dad. i actually enjoyed it...planting flowers and things like that. i read a book somewhere about how making things come alive, like planting flowers, teaches us what it really means to come alive ourselves.
we were supposed to meet at kaffe bona for a mini-Bible study, but gardening ran over (two hours) and i stayed because they were expecting our work to be done. my two cents, however, would have been about coming alive, a little like the song from Rebecca St. James that says, "You make me come alive." sometimes during praise and worship at church or at Friday night fellowship, i will close my eyes in prayer and upon opening them, will wonder whether i will see the world differently, more alive. i think i am starting to see these things, and how everything one sees looking around an evening, any evening, can be seen as beautiful, some bit due to it being God's creation. how great it feels, to see a sunset come alive or to have some kind of event come alive, so that in response, we can only come alive as well in wonder or delight or simple gratitude. the first thing on my list of things to pack for New Mexico was my glasses, because i want to be able to see the stars and feel the night and feel God and come alive.
we also got the monthly newspaper from Dr. Cary in mexico today, and it is inspiring to read how this is really what a mission is - in how they are all working very faithfully in listening to God in the midst of spiritual chaos and confusion. how they are caring so much for their pastors and their orphans and how they will get a new church because the old one is too small and will rejoice that it is in the middle of a witch market - rejoice. this is what a mission is, no doubt. you get the idea that Dr. Cary would have given everything to get to this point in time. you get the same idea that mike would have given everything to get to today, where he could sit in an empty room where he is the pastor with one of his youth silently amazed by God and what it will take to get to be where his youth and English pastor is. you get the very same idea that the Mr. and Mrs. Wu, departing for Colorado as God has led them, would give anything to stand in front of the congregation on Sunday and know that they are doing the right thing and know that they have an entire church backing them up in this decision, standing in front of God with their children being prayed for, knowing they are really following God's commands. you get the sense that this is really what missions is, as our calling.
the only thing i really remember about Dr. Cary was that he ran in the Olympics for the Mexican track team. and how he gave it all, all of his renown and his huge house, very consciously for a life of anonymity. to God be the glory.
it is hard, knowing that i am very close to independence and college, and how i will very soon be placed with a decision that will undoubtedly change my life. whether i will go to OU or Rice or Wash-U, and how my choosing, if it apart from God's plan for my life, will force me to lose something out of life. it is equally hard to understand the magnitude of what this missions trip will do for all of us - this is a moment, even the week, that i have been long awaiting, to be with my friends and my sister and simply God. a future awaits, and every decision or submission to faith plays an indescribable role in where we will end up. to God be the glory. we owe it to ourselves to seek the truth and seek the most out of life.
posted by D. Chang at 8:39 PM
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