an intro to the "week to get it back."
[if you don't feel like reading Scripture, just come back to it later or something. i found the second one quite meaningful]
"and you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. so He humbled you, allowede you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord. your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. you should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the Lord your God chastens you. therefore you shall keep the commandments of the Lord your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him. for the Lord your God is bring you into a good land..a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing...and you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day." Deuteronomy 8:2-18 excerpts
"therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of GOd, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. but may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. TO Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:6-11
this isn't about me. if i could get that through my head, i would be better off. read a book earlier today that came from an excerpt from D.L. Moody, who is known for a quote that reads something like "the world has yet to see what a man fully devoted to God will accomplish" and his motto was "by God's help, i aim to be that man." that is an amazing kind of thought. we were very randomly picking worship songs that could serve as personal themes for the missions trip, and i picked a song called Surrender (by Vineyard), in which the first verse very simply states "I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights. I'm giving up my pride for the promise of New Life."
i hadn't actually thought of the reality of it all. to very seriously give up everything to follow God, which is really the only way to do it at all. to say, "i'm giving up what i wanted out of life. do with me as You please." to exchange a life of possible world renown for a life of anonymity. to give up everything we had held dear for something completely different. well, i hadn't really thought of this. i've still been wanting to compromise with sin, and i've still wanted to be my own kind of independent man, and i've wanted to keep the me and bring me glory. in that excerpt from D.L. Moody, he is exclaiming how it is so amazing that the writers of the gospels don't show up in the gospels at all - they don't even write their own names in it, because they realize that the whole thing has nothing to do with giving themselves any of the glory. the whole idea of following Christ is that He is more powerful as you become more weak, and that is supposed to be something beautiful, but i have a problem with instant gratification and i have learned that the things that i want are corrupt in their roots.
i've been somewhat of an idiot these past few whiles, which i strangely attribute to laziness coming from the void that school used to fill. i have belittled Christ and secretly served myself. it is my weakness in faith that allows me to be toppled by sexual immorality, the easiest of my sins to identify. but i should also take note of my lack of responsibility amongst my family, my lack of initiative to do something out of my life, lack of energy to have energy, and lack of devotion to God. i fell short. this whole summer, i've fallen short. the thing is: i need to get the fire back. true, a lot of me plain just misses how great it feels to be able to read Psalms and sing praise songs and know in my heart what i know is true when i read something touching in the Bible. but i should be a lot more scared that i have continually turned my back on God - that i have hesitated and compromised, and though i don't think God still expects me to be perfect, i think He really expects me to be devoted in my faith. CS Lewis wrote that it's wrong to feel confidence in our strongest moments and wrong to feel despair in our lowest, weakest moments - he said that the real right thing to do is to always know that things can get better, and not to be content with the way things are.
so i guess i'm sort of taking that to heart. i want to feel God again. i want to be able to know Him and feel His peace and have a focus and a purpose and just to feel justified in what i do...something i haven't felt in the longest time. i want to be something.
so i am documenting this week, leading up to my departure for our missions trip to New Mexico, a trip that i have been looking forward to for many months as some kind of spiritual milestone. the idea is that i will come searching for God, and i must be ready to give my heart to Him, willing to stop myself in my tracks in the face of sin and run for shelter in the Word. willing to truly revise my whole lifestyle and a lot of what i know so that i might invest in something so perfect and just i'd be an idiot not to. truthfully, this shouldn't and i really pray it's not about anybody else. i'm not trying to please or appease anyone. i just want to feel life, and that even though there are problems around me and i know i will only stumble in my future and my life might be torn apart, that everything will be okay. i remember feeling that...it was something great.
i'm going to try to maximize my output in each day. i'm going to try to find God in everything, i'm going to try to make myself a better runner, a better friend, a better family member, and a better servant. obviously, my problem with this logic, is that i am absolutely helpless and nothing apart from God's grace. and this will be my prayer: God, perfect me. make me Yours. help me love You...i need You.
these words are real things. i pray for confidence and humility, because both i lack and have a desire to know. i think things would be so great if i could just give my life to God and then fast forward to the end of the game. in the same way, it would be so great to see myself being humble and confident and my own man, dependent only on God, being able to support myself and even a family financially, emotionally, physically. i think it would be great to lie in bed at night, feeling the accomplished kind of tired. God will make me chaste just like a father would chasten his son...but how will i respond? it would only be foolish to retaliate, because apart from the Father, we are nothing. out of this week, the week to get it back, the goals are this: to feel like a real child of God (feel God's love), to be confident, and to be humble.
[if you don't feel like reading Scripture, just come back to it later or something. i found the second one quite meaningful]
"and you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. so He humbled you, allowede you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord. your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. you should know in your heart that as a man chastens his son, so the Lord your God chastens you. therefore you shall keep the commandments of the Lord your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him. for the Lord your God is bring you into a good land..a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing...and you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day." Deuteronomy 8:2-18 excerpts
"therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of GOd, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. but may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. TO Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:6-11
this isn't about me. if i could get that through my head, i would be better off. read a book earlier today that came from an excerpt from D.L. Moody, who is known for a quote that reads something like "the world has yet to see what a man fully devoted to God will accomplish" and his motto was "by God's help, i aim to be that man." that is an amazing kind of thought. we were very randomly picking worship songs that could serve as personal themes for the missions trip, and i picked a song called Surrender (by Vineyard), in which the first verse very simply states "I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights. I'm giving up my pride for the promise of New Life."
i hadn't actually thought of the reality of it all. to very seriously give up everything to follow God, which is really the only way to do it at all. to say, "i'm giving up what i wanted out of life. do with me as You please." to exchange a life of possible world renown for a life of anonymity. to give up everything we had held dear for something completely different. well, i hadn't really thought of this. i've still been wanting to compromise with sin, and i've still wanted to be my own kind of independent man, and i've wanted to keep the me and bring me glory. in that excerpt from D.L. Moody, he is exclaiming how it is so amazing that the writers of the gospels don't show up in the gospels at all - they don't even write their own names in it, because they realize that the whole thing has nothing to do with giving themselves any of the glory. the whole idea of following Christ is that He is more powerful as you become more weak, and that is supposed to be something beautiful, but i have a problem with instant gratification and i have learned that the things that i want are corrupt in their roots.
i've been somewhat of an idiot these past few whiles, which i strangely attribute to laziness coming from the void that school used to fill. i have belittled Christ and secretly served myself. it is my weakness in faith that allows me to be toppled by sexual immorality, the easiest of my sins to identify. but i should also take note of my lack of responsibility amongst my family, my lack of initiative to do something out of my life, lack of energy to have energy, and lack of devotion to God. i fell short. this whole summer, i've fallen short. the thing is: i need to get the fire back. true, a lot of me plain just misses how great it feels to be able to read Psalms and sing praise songs and know in my heart what i know is true when i read something touching in the Bible. but i should be a lot more scared that i have continually turned my back on God - that i have hesitated and compromised, and though i don't think God still expects me to be perfect, i think He really expects me to be devoted in my faith. CS Lewis wrote that it's wrong to feel confidence in our strongest moments and wrong to feel despair in our lowest, weakest moments - he said that the real right thing to do is to always know that things can get better, and not to be content with the way things are.
so i guess i'm sort of taking that to heart. i want to feel God again. i want to be able to know Him and feel His peace and have a focus and a purpose and just to feel justified in what i do...something i haven't felt in the longest time. i want to be something.
so i am documenting this week, leading up to my departure for our missions trip to New Mexico, a trip that i have been looking forward to for many months as some kind of spiritual milestone. the idea is that i will come searching for God, and i must be ready to give my heart to Him, willing to stop myself in my tracks in the face of sin and run for shelter in the Word. willing to truly revise my whole lifestyle and a lot of what i know so that i might invest in something so perfect and just i'd be an idiot not to. truthfully, this shouldn't and i really pray it's not about anybody else. i'm not trying to please or appease anyone. i just want to feel life, and that even though there are problems around me and i know i will only stumble in my future and my life might be torn apart, that everything will be okay. i remember feeling that...it was something great.
i'm going to try to maximize my output in each day. i'm going to try to find God in everything, i'm going to try to make myself a better runner, a better friend, a better family member, and a better servant. obviously, my problem with this logic, is that i am absolutely helpless and nothing apart from God's grace. and this will be my prayer: God, perfect me. make me Yours. help me love You...i need You.
these words are real things. i pray for confidence and humility, because both i lack and have a desire to know. i think things would be so great if i could just give my life to God and then fast forward to the end of the game. in the same way, it would be so great to see myself being humble and confident and my own man, dependent only on God, being able to support myself and even a family financially, emotionally, physically. i think it would be great to lie in bed at night, feeling the accomplished kind of tired. God will make me chaste just like a father would chasten his son...but how will i respond? it would only be foolish to retaliate, because apart from the Father, we are nothing. out of this week, the week to get it back, the goals are this: to feel like a real child of God (feel God's love), to be confident, and to be humble.
posted by D. Chang at 8:36 PM
1 Comments:
After reading your journal. It reminds me that there was a time that I wasn't for sure if I'm really leaning my life towards God or not. Luckily that moment had past for me. God is good and he has a plan for everyone and there is nothing I need to worry about. I know know that I can totally put my trust in God.
... What is True Love? Do you really know it if it hits you. Does love really reflects over all power. I would think so. Here is an example: I remember how I use to be so scared of Tromos and Phobos and as I gotten to know them better its totally not half bad at all. In fact there is a point I missed playing with them. Is that what you called "True Love?" Well, God would know. Can anyone really define what True Love really is. So... I decided to put myself as "Phillip" aka... "Phil" and find out what true love really is. I know there is a lot more to love than I think there is. Love so powerful and it occurs all over.
Having praise and worship on the moutains was such a great experience for everyone. You can hear the music in a different way than you normally can. When I was up on the moutains I felt so alive and noticing that there is nothing can get your mind off God. I just felt as if God was there besides me. The view was so beautiful you can see the sky and the clouds fogging in and in the background are different moutains after another in a shadow form. It didn't really felt cold or not just the freshing air rushing through you. I felt nothing like it. I'm so glad that I got the chance to experience that.
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