note: i started writing this because someone might stumble upon it and learn something. i don't want to sound conceited, but i believe i have a voice that is worth reading, that could disprove views and myths of Christianity. what the world views to be Christianity is already so distorted...if someone would listen, they might learn something.

ok. so i'm a Christian. you can tell your friends, i wouldn't mind. i'm maybe what someone would call a "hardcore Christian," but only because my faith is real - there's really only one kind of Christian: a real one. and, essentially, everybody else is just posing. A majority of the unsuccessful Crusades, the Catholic church in Mexico City, everywhere you look, you will run into people who call themselves Christians and have no faith at all. And that's pretty much it; that's all there is to it - a faith in God, as the one that redeemed you from your sins and can save you from your shortcomings. to me, at least, life is pretty empty without God; nothing seems satisfactory to invest myself in, and nothing makes sense or is worth it.

i have a problem with lust. even though i am a Christian, i'm still human, and a step completely away from sin is completely impossible as long as i remain a member of this world and my own flesh. before i found God, i would lust so much and i could tell it wasn't worth it. it's a huge waste of time, and it forces you to see the world a certain way, looking at people for their bodies instead of the people inside (physical attributes are hardly a real part of somebody, but just a misleading attraction...or distraction). still now, even as a Christian, i find myself lusting, though not as commonly, and can realize very distinctly how much it isn't worth it. to invest myself in it for two or three hours is not only a waste of time, but it means that i chose sin over God, and sin promises joy and gives nothing worthy in return. choosing God would mean eternal life...just think about that. i know how awesome it feels to be happy just for a single day. happiness forever? and guaranteed? what more could you ask for?

not that i could ever be good enough for God by myself. i can't do anything on my own...i know. i've tried and every time i fail. it's a horrible way to learn something, but how else would you learn it? if you were hungry and God wanted to feed you a steak, but you were only hungry for a hamburger, wouldn't you have to wait and be hungry for the steak and suffer until you were finally fed, and wouldn't that meal exceed your expectations? some despise God because there is a "wrong" in the world - if He's so loving, why do disasters happen or why do loved ones have to die? it's a hard concept. sometimes, it can be punishment. those living completely in sin, whose lives are lost and can only serve to bring more down, why should they be kept alive to drag more out of life?

New Orleans was massacred by Hurricane Katrina, and it's pretty safe to say that New Orleans is a corrupt society, the Sodom and Gomorrah of our time. but sometimes circumstances change in a seemingly negative sense to let better things happen. my sister was set to attend school in New Orleans the day before the hurricane hit, and she was forced to skip school for a semester. but, she still ended up better because of it. she took the semester off and jumped into a missions mentality - she's become much more self-sufficient and is a much stronger Christian because of the disaster. my friend had to move to Texas, which, according to my perspective, is horrible. but he is so much of a stronger Christian there than he ever was here, and possibly than he could have ever been. at a very anti-Christian school, he is forced more than ever to stick by his faith, which only makes his belief stronger.

but what about those that never knew the word of God? why should they be sentenced to hell without ever having a clue of who God is? sorry, just a second. who said they were sentenced to hell? sure, we as Christians say anyone without God goes directly to hell. but that doesn't mean they still don't have a chance. to my understanding, the case is somewhat like Purgatory - a kind of level between heaven and hell where those who have neither accepted nor rejected the gospel are placed. it is there that God preaches to them about what He did, and they have a choice to either accept or reject it. truthfully, i have no definite idea what happens to those who have never heard anything about God, but i do know that He is a fair God, righteous and pure. He rewards those that deserve it, and punishes those that deserve it.

what about pastors or missionaries? surely, they would be ones that are rewarded, right? not exactly. how easy is it to simply go through the motions? it's pretty easy - in fact, i only go to school because i have to. some only go to Church because their parents make them, some only tithe because they believe they have to get to heaven. most think that it boils down to being good enough for God. enough good works, maybe, and you'll get to heaven. wrong. God doesn't care what you do. He cares about who you are, and why you do something. if i tithe and don't want to, but do the act so that someone can see me do it, what have i accomplished? i did the right thing, but i did it for completely the wrong reason, not to please God. doesn't that completely ruin why i actually did the action in the first place? i actually got baptized at a young age, without the slighest idea why i was doing it. i thought that being baptized would just suddenly spark a relationship with me and God. most of all, i didn't want to seem like one of little faith, not to the people around me who were pressuring me to go through with it. i got baptized, and it looked good to everybody who saw it, except for God, who knew that i was really only doing it to please those that saw it.

so those pastors and missionaries, you have no idea whether they're going to heaven or hell, or whether they are actually strong Christians with strong relationships with God. i could easily call myself a Christian and do absolutely nothing. i could even change that role to mean what i wanted it to mean, if i so wanted. if i wanted to be able to be gay and still maintain the benefits of being seen as a Christian, i could find a single verse in the Bible and base a theology entirely on that, then make a move to legalize gay marriage. but clearly, i wouldn't be a Christian if i just called myself one and worked completely against the doctrine. that means we can't look at Christians in the world and try to determine the true Christianity from that. because there are so many imposters walking around, claiming to be Christians, and setting the wrong example for others.

so that, when people do things in the name of the Lord, but they aren't actually Christians, people get the wrong idea about Christians and our God. like the Inquisition, how could Christians impose their faith on someone so violently and threaten to kill them if they wouldn't accept it? perhaps they weren't Christians at all. for example, if i called myself a buddhist, and bombed a building in the name of buddha, would that make buddhism bad? no, that single act, depending on me, wouldn't prove that buddhism is bad, because, i wasn't being a real buddhist (and am not one for that matter). but the effect is the same.

Thoreau's Walden quotes "Any prospect of awakening or coming to life to a dead man makes indifferent all times and places." if you were a dead man and offered life, real life, wouldn't you do anything and go through all sorts of circumstances to try to reach this life? what if the world shuns you? you're socially excommunicated. you lose your job. you're even declared a national threat. what then, if you were finally, at the end of the pursuit, made alive? it would be worth it. rather than being popular and successful, and yet still dead.

i just recently became a Christian...a real one. i've lost many friends, but i made one. everything changed when i declared my faith. i can no longer associate with the world and let myself be trapped in its works, and i no longer want to. you see, my faith and my relationship with my one Friend, lets me live. instead of a huge group of friends at school, i have a small group of real friends at church. instead of being the attention of everyone, i have the attention of the only one that matters. i have a good life. my grades are fine and i am surrounded by friends and family who care for me. most of all, i have hope in God, that He will make everything right. i'm just waiting for the day when i can walk up to Him and hug Him and never let go. i believe it's worth it to spend my life pursuing God. the promise He beholds is so amazing, but more than that, that He would give me a chance to live. i shouldn't have the chance to get true life. and i know i can't get that life anywhere else besides God. He's the one that makes it all work out. and everything else is just loss.