Winners: us. Losers: Devil.
Ever since Wednesday, when I finally gave my life to God, I seemed a bit more confused than I should have been confident and ready. The Devil was really at work trying to destabilize me, because each Bible study only confused me more when it would have normally extended upon my knowledge and trust, and each circumstance offered foreign thoughts of temptation. Through yesterday and today, I essentially ate myself alive, or let things eat me alive. But luckily, God rescued me one more time through Mike and then lifted me up to experience Him even more, through a physical baptism whose impacts and significance are still being felt.
Yesterday, we woke up at around 7 and took a 7-hour bus drive into the mountains to who-knows-where. Everyone was pretty lethargic or drowsy from taking Dramamine, so it was a bit awkward when we settled into our nice hotel (Hotel Tamazunchale, the only one in the jungle with air conditioning, which was promptly lowered to 11 degrees Celsius upon arrival) for ten minutes and left for a cool jungle village in the mountains somewhere where we have no idea. On the bus, we watched Dodgeball in Spanish and some history movie in English. Mike had a Holy Spirit Moment when he woke up and saw a bag of food dropping from the overhead compartment and, before he knew it, was forward several feet catching the bag. So that's pretty cool. At the village (Amatitla Village), we ate a good dinner and drank 3.300 Liters of Mega Big Cola, then had some kids call us "Gringo's." Mike preached over Luke 12:12 and 54-56. The main thing I got was that if you don't know that it's going to rain, then you will need someone to tell you that it's about to rain. And our job as Christians is to tell people that it's going to rain (metaphorically). I wasn't exactly feeling it...stupid Devil. We returned to one of the houses to hang out, but I was undergoing a major identity crisis and stomach-ache, so I missed pretty much that and the bus ride home. We got back to the hotel and I feel asleep undisturbed until morning.
Next morning, I was pretty much dead, along with mentally/spiritually hurting. My whole mental status was essentially built on the concept that I wasn't good enough - wasn't good enough for certain standards, good enough for certain things, good enough for certain people. And I tore myself up on it for two straight days - all I could think of. So after breakfast, (which featured some eggs in a cup) and brief shopping, we went back to the hotel and slept. I woke up and ate a pill that almost made me throw up. Then we boarded a bus and drove to another minuscule awesome jungle village (Ejido Village) in the mountains. Swimming in the river was totally awesome, especially since the entire river bottom was lined with either intensely sharp rocks or seaweed. We just floated around for a while and cut up our legs. Later, dinner and a movie. No, actually, just dinner. Mike preached about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and we got to sing Blessed be Your Name and Open the Eyes of My Heart in English and Spanish. I struggled mentally and spiritually still - there was a certain point when I knew that if I turned to God, He would save me again. But I wouldn't let myself surrender because I was so messed up, thinking I wasn't good enough. After Mike's sermon, we were meant to go up and pray for people with olive oil, and that was finally when I started being rescued. I just stayed and prayed and finally started to realize everything I had already known - that God's still my only solution. And then Mike popped the question about baptism in the river. He finally told me that we're never good enough for God, and that's the way it's supposed to be. It's that we're nothing without God, and God doesn't care wherever or whatever we are - the point is that it doesn't matter if we're good enough or not. It's called unconditional love - all we have to do is commit to Him.
So I finally agreed to get physically baptized, five days from my spiritual baptism. I guess I was just desperate to run back to God for cover and throw the Devil off my back. It was very dark, and climbing through the pastures we watched cows staring back at us and the random lights popping from lightning bugs. It was particularly cool. And then I got baptized by Mike in the river, wearing my normal clothes. And it was so indescribably awesome. And I was rather excited that I could physically feel the difference - the song says "I will never be the same again." I could feel the energy starting to surge through my body, the devil thrown off my back, the temptation lifted. And suddenly, even for just a moment, everything was exactly as it was meant to be. This is my new life, joyfully lived for the Lord. And joyfully it will remain.
Ever since Wednesday, when I finally gave my life to God, I seemed a bit more confused than I should have been confident and ready. The Devil was really at work trying to destabilize me, because each Bible study only confused me more when it would have normally extended upon my knowledge and trust, and each circumstance offered foreign thoughts of temptation. Through yesterday and today, I essentially ate myself alive, or let things eat me alive. But luckily, God rescued me one more time through Mike and then lifted me up to experience Him even more, through a physical baptism whose impacts and significance are still being felt.
Yesterday, we woke up at around 7 and took a 7-hour bus drive into the mountains to who-knows-where. Everyone was pretty lethargic or drowsy from taking Dramamine, so it was a bit awkward when we settled into our nice hotel (Hotel Tamazunchale, the only one in the jungle with air conditioning, which was promptly lowered to 11 degrees Celsius upon arrival) for ten minutes and left for a cool jungle village in the mountains somewhere where we have no idea. On the bus, we watched Dodgeball in Spanish and some history movie in English. Mike had a Holy Spirit Moment when he woke up and saw a bag of food dropping from the overhead compartment and, before he knew it, was forward several feet catching the bag. So that's pretty cool. At the village (Amatitla Village), we ate a good dinner and drank 3.300 Liters of Mega Big Cola, then had some kids call us "Gringo's." Mike preached over Luke 12:12 and 54-56. The main thing I got was that if you don't know that it's going to rain, then you will need someone to tell you that it's about to rain. And our job as Christians is to tell people that it's going to rain (metaphorically). I wasn't exactly feeling it...stupid Devil. We returned to one of the houses to hang out, but I was undergoing a major identity crisis and stomach-ache, so I missed pretty much that and the bus ride home. We got back to the hotel and I feel asleep undisturbed until morning.
Next morning, I was pretty much dead, along with mentally/spiritually hurting. My whole mental status was essentially built on the concept that I wasn't good enough - wasn't good enough for certain standards, good enough for certain things, good enough for certain people. And I tore myself up on it for two straight days - all I could think of. So after breakfast, (which featured some eggs in a cup) and brief shopping, we went back to the hotel and slept. I woke up and ate a pill that almost made me throw up. Then we boarded a bus and drove to another minuscule awesome jungle village (Ejido Village) in the mountains. Swimming in the river was totally awesome, especially since the entire river bottom was lined with either intensely sharp rocks or seaweed. We just floated around for a while and cut up our legs. Later, dinner and a movie. No, actually, just dinner. Mike preached about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and we got to sing Blessed be Your Name and Open the Eyes of My Heart in English and Spanish. I struggled mentally and spiritually still - there was a certain point when I knew that if I turned to God, He would save me again. But I wouldn't let myself surrender because I was so messed up, thinking I wasn't good enough. After Mike's sermon, we were meant to go up and pray for people with olive oil, and that was finally when I started being rescued. I just stayed and prayed and finally started to realize everything I had already known - that God's still my only solution. And then Mike popped the question about baptism in the river. He finally told me that we're never good enough for God, and that's the way it's supposed to be. It's that we're nothing without God, and God doesn't care wherever or whatever we are - the point is that it doesn't matter if we're good enough or not. It's called unconditional love - all we have to do is commit to Him.
So I finally agreed to get physically baptized, five days from my spiritual baptism. I guess I was just desperate to run back to God for cover and throw the Devil off my back. It was very dark, and climbing through the pastures we watched cows staring back at us and the random lights popping from lightning bugs. It was particularly cool. And then I got baptized by Mike in the river, wearing my normal clothes. And it was so indescribably awesome. And I was rather excited that I could physically feel the difference - the song says "I will never be the same again." I could feel the energy starting to surge through my body, the devil thrown off my back, the temptation lifted. And suddenly, even for just a moment, everything was exactly as it was meant to be. This is my new life, joyfully lived for the Lord. And joyfully it will remain.
posted by D. Chang at 12:02 AM
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